Humor Archive
May 18, 2008
Funny yet sadly so truthful
Posted by Truth
It has been sometime now since Believe the Movie was first talked about. Qblog even did an interview with the film's director Loki Mulholland a while back. Well tonight I decided what the heck and purchased my own copy of the movie. I was impressed with the site and how it has evolved since the last time I visited. I would recommend reading the stories that were submitted, they are some of the funniest stories I have heard. Here is an example:
"I was sponsored by a friend of mine. One of the direct distributors above me was always well-dressed, wore rings, had a nice car, etc. After two years or so of showing the plan, attending meetings and buying material I'd sponsored two people and wasted incredible time and money. Years later I was at a friend's apt downtown. We ordered a pizza and who would deliver it but the same well-dressed direct distributor! I hid behind the couch and covered my head with a pillow. I was embarrassed for both of us."
They also have put up a blog that seems to be just getting started. I figure if the movie is even half as good as some of the clips that are out on youtube it will have been money well spent. Anyway, here are a couple of my favorite clips off of youtube that are funny yet so very true.
September 30, 2007
Be A Better Person
Posted by QBlog
September 5, 2007
Figure It Out
Posted by QBlog
July 13, 2007
Fun with Handling Objections
Posted by Truth
One of my favorite shows to watch is NBC's "The Office". The other night there was a clip that I thought was very funny. Perhaps it can be made into a training video on handling objections. Sadly, many of the answers given by some IBOs to objections aren't much better.
December 18, 2006
'Twas The Night Before Quixmas
Posted by David Robison
In the spirit of the Holiday Season; I present to you my attempt(feeble, as it may be) at poetry.
"TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE QUIXMAS"
with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore
'Twas the night before Quixmas, when all through my home
Not a creature was stirring, not even the gnome.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of beaches danced in their heads.
And mamma in her kerchief, (what is that, really?)
I don't wear a cap; cause it makes me look silly
When out on the lawn there arose such a ruckus
I sprang from my bed; tripped; and fell on my tukkus.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon shone on the lawn, no snow was to be seen,
I live on the Gulf Coast; the grass is still green.
Then my weary eyes happen to see way up in the sky,
A flying H2, pulled by suited men; each with a red tie.
The driver of the rig was lively and quick,
But it was Dex Yager, not St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name!
Now Billy! Now Jimmy! Randy and Don!
On Orrin! On Kanti! On Danny, and Ron!
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,
You gotta dream big, if you wanna have it all!
As rumors and writings on blogs will fly,
when the topic of Quixtar is given a try;
So up to the rooftop the minions they flew,
with that truck full of stuff and ole Dexter too.
And then in an instant, I heard through the ceiling,
the theme from "Rocky"; that tune still leaves me reeling.
As I closed the window, and then turned around,
Down the chimney came Dex with more than a bound.
He was dressed all in blue, a three-piece suit,
with a cross on a chain and a red tie to boot.
A bundle of products he had flung on his back,
and he looked just like a Platinum opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry,
He was high on XS; I think it was Cherry.
He had a beard, now white as snow,
but I couldn't wear one, I was just an IBO.
Dex would never have a pipe, so no smoke did he blow.
A wreath around his head? He'd prefer a halo.
He had a broad face and a round little belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was still real chubby, in spite of his health,
You'd think he'd own a gym with all of his wealth.
And as I was thinking he should go for a jog;
It hit me that I should write about this on my blog.
He mumbled to himself, and he looked my way,
"No Tools for You; you never signed the BSMAA!"
He said, "See you at the top" and then rubbed his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to the Hummer, to his minions gave a whistle,
and away they all flew with the speed of a missile.
But I heard him exclaim, as he flew away from me,
"Happy Quixmas to all, and to all, "Up Your PV!"
For More Parodies on This Popular Christmas Poem
December 11, 2006
Quixtar - Land of Ill Will
Posted by QBlog
Hilarious spoof of the Quixtar commercials.
UPDATE: And here's the original spoof that YouTube yanked.
October 8, 2006
Interview with Loki Mulholland - "Believe" Director
Posted by QBlog
A
few weeks ago I had a brief phone conversation with Loki Mulholland about his
film "Believe," a comedic
multilevel marketing mockumentary. After we talked he agreed to do an interview
with Quixtar BLOG where I tried to ask him questions that other interviewers
hadn't already asked.
The photo is of Loki and "Believe" actor Danor Gerald.
QBlog: Let’s hear the elevator
pitch for “Believe.”
Loki Mulholland: The first movie ever made about the bizarre world of multi-level
marketing is an award-winning comedy that is both funny and insightful. The
satirical mockumentary explores the MLM industry and the people who populate
it.
Q: When do you expect the film to be available to the
masses?
LM: Currently, “Believe” is on a twenty city promotional tour throughout
the country. It’s theatrical release begins in Michigan on October 13th
and then a second release will commence in the Mountain West region in February/March.
We expect to release it on DVD in June of ’07. However, we’re getting
a lot of requests to release in different places throughout the world and we
plan to take it wherever there is demand. As well, the places we have taken
it for our special free screenings are begging us to bring it back so….
Q: What type of research did you do for the film? Who
did you talk to? What did you read? What websites did you visit?
LM: Experience is the best form of research. I was an Amway distributor for
about 4 years (to appease my wife I tell her it was “undercover”
research). I was pretty hardcore. Beyond myself, the two main resources I went
to were Eric Schiebeler’s Merchant of Deception (www.merchantsofdeception.com)
and Scott Larsen’s site, www.amquix.info.
Q: What impact (if any) do you think this film will
have on the multilevel marketing industry and specifically Quixtar and Amway?
Do you want it to have an impact?
LM: I don’t think the industry is going to come to a screeching halt
but it will definitely be a wake-up call. As one MLM company owner told us,
“The industry has a problem and they know it. This film is more accurate
than you realize.” Amway obviously feels it is relevant because they,
according to one reporter, are releasing commercials to boost their image for
the first time in 20 years as a sort of preemptive strike against the movie.
I hope it has an impact. I hope it creates change in an industry that has gotten
off track. I think the MLM Do Not Contact List (www.donotcontactlist.com)
has an even greater potential for change. Think the Do Not Call registry for
MLMs.
Q: Are you Jeremiah
Loki Mulholland, the LDS Musician? If so, what happened with the music?
LM: I am that person. The music still lives on. I have four songs on the movie's
soundtrack and I perform three of them. I haven’t performed as much as
I use to as the movie has consumed the majority of my time. Music is a hard
industry to break into and so I figured if I was making movies I might as well
use some of my music in them to help expand my audience base. I’m currently
working on a new album but I have to get the release of “Believe”
behind me first.
Q: You were in Amway. What group were you in, who was
your upline Diamond and how did your experience with those people inspire the
movie “Believe?”
LM: I was in World Wide Dream Builders. My upline Diamond was David and Debbie
Shores. What really inspired the movie were the meetings we’d go to, especially
the big over-the-top conventions.
Q: If you ran Amway/Quixtar what would you change first?
LM: I would probably burn the place to the ground and collect on the insurance.
If that wasn’t an option then the first thing I would do is apologize to the
millions of people who thought they had a real chance to do something in multi-level
marketing. Next, I would get rid of the tool system that seems to have a stranglehold
on Amway/Quixtar.
Q: Why do you think that nobody has done a film about
MLM before?
LM: In all honesty, I really don’t know why. There’s a huge market
place for the film. We’re getting requests from literally around the world
to screen our movie: India, Asia, Australia, Europe, etc. I think the biggest
challenge has been trying to find a way to approach this subject matter in such
a way that would be both entertaining and educational. You have to walk a fine
line and, really, without having gone through it myself, it would have been
impossible to give an honest portrayal of the industry.
Q: What’s the last movie you saw and what did
you think of it?
LM: "Pirates of the Caribbean 2". I didn’t like it as much as
the first one. It felt like they went overboard with Jonny Depp's character.
It’s like the recognized how well it worked the first time so they decided
more would be better and so it lost it’s spontaneity and such. The whole
island of cannibals sequence could’ve been left on the cutting room floor
and the movie wouldn’t have suffered a bit. I am looking forward to the
third one because even though it wasn’t as good as I would have hoped
it would be it is still far better than most of the stuff that is out there
today. The best movie I have seen in a long time is “Nanny McPhee”.
I think I enjoyed it even more than my wife and kids.
Q: What’s the last book you read and did you like
it?
LM: I’m currently reading “Children of the Arbat”. It’s
a story about a group of kids who grew up on Arbat street in Moscow during the
late 1930s and early 1940s. I lived in Russia and the history of country, particularly
during that period, fascinates me. I majored in Documentary Cinema along with
Russian History and Language when I was in college. My dream is to some day
make a movie in Russia (in Russian).
Q: What are the ten most played songs on your iPod?
LM: My wife uses it more than I do so I don’t know at this point. However,
I swiped it for the tour and Ray Charles has gotten some heavy rotation along
with a assortment of other artist from Mellencamp to Mozart. I usually just
put in on random and whatever comes up is what we hear. So often times the music
goes from Neil Young to Michael Jackson to Snap! to some Mary Poppins tune to
me to…. The rule is, whatever is playing is what you listen to. No changing
it.
Q: Your website asks for MLM “horror stories.”
What are some of the worst that have been submitted?
LM: We’re getting a lot of them and each one has its unique qualities.
I think the most horrific is the guy whose mother’s brother passed away
from cancer and her neighbor tells her she had the miracle cure and if she would
have told her, her brother would still be alive and she would’ve even
made money on the deal. But there are also those where people lose tens of thousands
of dollars, their spouses, etc. Everyone has a story to tell.
September 4, 2006
Believe The Movie
Posted by QBlog
There's a new movie coming to theaters that may do to Multilevel Marketing what "Spinal Tap" did to rock and roll. The film is "Believe" and it looks like a hilarious parody of the MLM industry, specifically Amway.
The IMDB entry records the movie's release date as 2005 but according to The Flint Journal the first screenings will be in "select Michigan cities, including Flint, Grand Rapids, Ann Arbor and Lansing" in October.
The movie's writer and director, Loki Mulholland, was a former Amway salesman and he's releasing the film just in time to possibly impact Dick DeVos' gubernatorial campaign. Mulholland said that he think's "it's fair that people get a proper perspective about Amway, because this man (DeVos) grew up in the industry."
Mulholland also has an interesting perspective of what the average Quixtar IBO can expect to earn in the business:
“On the surface, $345 million is an impressive number, but in fact it’s not very substantial at all when you see what it means for the average individual Amway distributor,” said Loki Mulholland, writer and director of "BELIEVE". “Most Amway distributors make less than $100 per month. I don’t know about anyone else, but that’s not enough money for me to quit my regular job and retire.”
To learn more about Mulholland check out the interview from JackassCritics.com.
And be sure to spend some time on the official Believe - The Movie website.
August 24, 2006
Inside Quixtar Blog
Posted by David Robison
Howdy Quixtar Blog readers! This is Dave Robison, your newest member of the Quixtar Blog writing team. Last week after I posted my second entry to The Qblog, I was granted exclusive access inside the massive Quixtar Blog Complex; with none other than Quixtar Blog founder himself, Eric Janssen.
I've been given permission to print what I witnessed; and I hope this gives readers an inside look into what goes into each entry that they read here at Quixtar Blog.
Once inside the gated complex, Janssen unlocks two tall steel doors and invites me in. As the doors swing slowly open, I'm met with a gust of cool conditioned air and I feel the goosebumps raise on my arms. I look down a massive marbled hallway with doors lining each side; and we begin our tour.
We walked not more than 20 feet when Janssen stops me in front of a white wooden door innocuously signed simply, "RESEARCH".
I open the door to a large room. Inside are huge mainframe computers surround by a circle of desks occupied by slightly orange-skinned midgets working contently at laptop computers. I learn that the mainframe is also linked to a satellite in geo-synchronous orbit above Spaulding Plaza in Ada, Michigan.
"So this is how Janssen manages to stay one jump ahead of Quixtar's Communications Department." I thought. The midgets were reading screen after screen of information being fed off the mainframe. The mainframe, I could only imagine, must have been collecting data from the internet, and privately networked computers worldwide. It was most impressive, but I wondered about the midgets.
"Are they Oompa-Loompas?" I whispered.
"No," Janssen replied, "They're Q-loompas. A cousin; but genetically enhanced with mutated DeVos genes. They are much more focused, than their chocolate-making cousins...and they work for XS powerbars and Seismic Juice."
"Fascinating," I said. And we closed the door and continued down the hall, taking a left turn into a small alcove with one red door signed, "FORUM"
"This is where we collect all the thoughts and opinions of the Quixtar Blog Forum members and publish them to the Internet for all the world to read."
"Can I open the door?"
"I'd rather you didn't, you really aren't ready to see what is happening in there."
"Okay," I said, "I'll wait."
Janssen then turned me around in the alcove and I faced another door.
"What's inside here?" I asked. "There's no sign on the door."
Janssen slowly opened the door to another hallway.
"Where's this go?" I asked.
Janssen spoke softly. "This hallway leads underground where there is a tunnel with rails and a powered railcar. The tunnel leads far away from the Qblog Complex."
"Where does it go?" I asked.
"It ends underneath Orrin Woodward's house."
"Really, unbelievable! Does he know it's there?"
Janssen uncharacteristically screamed, "IT'S A FRIKKEN TUNNEL UNDERNEATH WOODWARD'S HOUSE! OF COURSE HE DOESN'T KNOW IT'S THERE!"
"OH..yeah...stupid question...sorry"
He closed the door and we walked out of the alcove and back down one of the hallways. Along the hallway walls were framed reprints of past Quixtar Blog entries. I asked about the old Qblog Toons prints, but was told that the wall refused to let them hang. The nails holding the frames were constantly pushed out of the wall. No matter; we then stopped at another door signed "QBlog Farcical Help Desk".
I had wondered about the Help Desk in recent weeks, because of it's absence. I opened the door without waiting for Janssen's consent and saw a simple white room with a desk and a two-line phone; unmanned.
Janssen explained, "Umm, we've been having technical difficulties of sorts, the call frequency is not what it should be."
But, no sooner had he given the explanation, the phone rang.
"May I?"
"Sure go ahead," he said.
"Help Desk...How may I help you?"
QUESTION: Yeah, Is this the Help Desk?"
ANSWER: Yes it is. Do you have a question?"
Q: Yeah, what are you wearing?
A: Jeans and a T-shirt, why?
Q: You got a nice voice.
A: Thank you.
Q: I bet you have "purty" teeth.
A: WHO THE HELL IS THIS?
Q: CLICK
Janssen said, "That's it, all we get lately is calls from QRUSH.
We left the Help Desk room and started down the hallway again. We turned a corner and Janssen stopped at another door, signed "REC AREA". Janssen excitedly said,
"You just have to see this, Dave"
He opened the door with great fanfare. It was unbelievable. It was more than a room; it was more like a stadium; and I wondered how that could possible exist behind just one door, but there it was, anyway.
It was a large dirt racetrack with a grass infield and bleacher seats surrounding the track. I walked across the grass and looked onto the track.
I couldn't believe my eyes. There were monkeys. Monkeys dressed as cowboys. And..and they were racing around the track riding goats. Janssen said, "Sometimes we just get tired of all the Quixtar stuff and we need to relax."
"Monkeys on Goats?" I asked.
Janssen slapped me on the back, "Yeah baby, that's how we roll here at the Qblog!"
Just then Janssen received a call on his cell phone. He excused himself to a nearby office and invited me to browse around.
I left the monkey track and walked on down the hallway and made a turn into a lobby area and saw a breakroom/lunchroom to my right. I saw a large refrigerator and decided to take a peek inside a-la MTV's CRIBS. Would I find the traditional bottle of Cristal? I opened the door to the fridge to view row upon row of cold coffee-flavored drinks, a six pack a of Red Bull and a half-drank can of XS. Also 3 one-gallon containers of lemonade. But, no Cristal.
I closed the door. Just then, my investigative instincts kicked in. Now was my chance to sneak back to the "FORUM" door and discover what was behind that mysterious red door. I ran back down the maze of hallways until I found the correct door.
In minutes, I stood in front of the door. I took a deep breath and opened it.
Inside, it was dark except the glow of a computer screen. Sitting in front of the computer was a dark figure in a cloak. The figure's head was covered from behind by a hood. The figure's head turned slightly towards me, but I couldn't see the face clearly in the dimly lit room.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder and was pulled back out of the room. It was Janssen and he didn't look happy.
"I told you NOT to go in there!"
"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Who is that person in there?"
Janssen said, "Okay, I'll tell you. That's PW."
"PW!" I gasped. "Why does he look like that?"
Janssen sighed, "He's been like that every since last week, when he read the comments to that Star Wars parody you wrote. He just sits there, staring at the screen and muttering to himself, "I AM the Emperor. I am THE Emperor"
"I'm sorry Eric, I had no idea." I apologized.
Finally Quixtar Blog Founder Janssen said, "Okay, Dave; you've seen my complex, my rooms, my monkeys, and my fridge, it's time now for you to go home."
He led me back out the steel doors, and out to the gates.
"Now go home and write something, it's almost Thursday!"
I watched the gates close slowly until I heard them click locked.
I thought; so that was the Quixtar Blog Complex, very impressive, but I still wasn't too sure about the monkeys riding goats. Oh well, I just write for the guy.
August 19, 2006
Go See SoaP NOW!
Posted by QBlog
Take my advice and go see Snakes on a Plane right now when you'll be more likely to view it in a theater filled with SoaP fans hissing, laughing, cheering and applauding throughout the entire film. In three weeks it won't be nearly as good if you're sitting in a sparsely populated theater with your Milk Duds and root beer.
I saw the movie tonight and the experience led me to proclaim that it's "the greatest movie ever made. Ever!" And when you go see it, take along this participation script.
August 16, 2006
A Long Time Ago...
Posted by David Robison
A NEW HOPE STRIKES BACK
Young Dave Blogwriter has fought valiantly against Lord Darth Janssen, but now clings desperately to a metal platform, a precipice keeping him from plunging to sure death.
Darth Janssen breathes heavily and speaks.
"Blogwriter, join me, you know that you must eventually blog for me. The Emperor knows this, he has foreseen it.
Dave replies, "I'll never join you...you...wait a minute, why are you breathing so heavily?
"It's my helmet, It supplies me with oxygen."
"Really? I can get you a portable Helios unit, you can wear around your waist."
Darth Janssen asks, "Will I still have this cool voice?"
"Ummm no, you'll be back to your old whiny voice."
"Okay then, never mind, I'll keep the helmet. Now, join me and write about The QUIXTAR with me and my empire.
Dave screams, "NOOOOOOO, I'll never join you, I'm too busy. I have my own blog.
"But Dave, with me your power will grow, your blog will increase in traffic. Already, your power is great, but writing for me; it will surpass all.
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!"
Darth Janssen stands over Blogwriter, his expressionless mask staring through Young Dave Blogwriter. He stretches out his hand towards Dave and speaks softly.
"But Dave, I AM YOUR FATHER."
Dave cries out, "NOOOO, NOOOO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE...Besides, I'm older than you.
Darth explains, "It's simple really, I constructed a time machine and transported back in time to a distant galaxy in the year 1962 and met your mother and...and...
Dave stops Darth's speech.
"Dude, that's not only sick and twisted; it's the wrong DAMN movie!"
Darth asks, "You don't believe me?"
"No, why should I believe that story?"
Darth questions again.
"You believed in that 'Diamond in 2-5 years" story, didn't you?"
"Oh yeah, says Dave, "That's a valid point."
"So Young Blogwriter, will you join me and bring order to the QUIXTAR universe? I will allow you to write whatever you want. You may spread the word of The Force of your wisdom and the positive aspects of The QUIXTAR."
Dave ponders the offer and looks over the edge of the metal platform peering deep into the abyss below.
"Ummm actually Darth, I'm really afraid of heights, and I don't really want to fall."
"Then reach out to me, and I will allow you to write at The Quixtar Blog"
Dave says, "Yeah, that sounds good, but I can't reach out to you. You cut my hand off right before this scene started."
"No, I didn't, you got your hand tucked in your sleeve"
Dave looks at his arm, "Oh yeah, you're right; there it is."
Dave reaches towards Darth Janssen. Darth pulls him off the platform onto safe ground.
"So Darth," asks Dave, "Can I write about anything I want?"
"Yes you can, just never call me Darth Janssen again"
"Okay, dude, no problem.
The two bloggers walk back towards the tower elevator door.
Darth stops, and says to Dave, "Dave Blogwriter, this will be the start of a great friendship"
"DUDE!, that's the wrong movie, AGAIN!"
"Oh yes, you are right. Sorry."
(cue music)
August 11, 2006
Definition of Insanity
Posted by QBlog
The definition of insanity is continuing to claim that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results when no dictionary actually defines insanity that way.
July 6, 2006
Head On
Posted by QBlog
May 19, 2006
Future IBO?
Posted by QBlog
May 14, 2006
Prospecting - Revisited
Posted by QBlog
I posted the audio clip to a prospecting scene from the movie Garden State and now, thanks to YouTube, I can share the video.
The video looks a little funky because of the aspect ratio but it's still enjoyable.
May 9, 2006
Quixtar Tool Bonanza!
Posted by QBlog
Scott Larsen put together this little Quixtar Tool video.
April 11, 2006
Amway Or Die
Posted by QBlog
Does this video remind you of an Amway (or Quixtar) meeting?
Thanks to Scott Larsen for the link.
January 25, 2006
Prospecting
Posted by QBlog
October 13, 2005
Make Them Laugh
Posted by QBlog
"If you are going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise they'll kill you."
- George Bernard Shaw
September 29, 2005
That Dilbert Guy
Posted by QBlog
Hey Scott Adams, sorry for posting this and all but I wanted it vertical, not horizontal. Just think of it as my little digital cubicle.
Thanks TD!
September 22, 2005
Secret Sparkle Chat
Posted by QBlog
Proctor & Gamble sells a line of women's deodorant called Secret Sparkle. It's marketed to teens and pre-teens and the website includes a chat tool that allows anyone to converse with Secret Sparkle. So, what's it like chatting with a deodorant? Read my conversation and find out.
quixtarblog
(10:31:48 PM):
Hi
SecretSparkle
(10:31:48 PM):
Hello Quixtarblog.
SecretSparkle (10:32:16 PM): I know a lot about all kinds of things. Just ask me a question.
quixtarblog (10:32:25 PM): Are you an IBO?
SecretSparkle (10:32:25 PM): An ibo? I dunno.
quixtarblog (10:32:48 PM): Should I get involved with Multi-Level Marketing?
SecretSparkle (10:32:48 PM): I believe you should get involved with multi level marketing.
quixtarblog (10:32:55 PM): really?
SecretSparkle (10:32:55 PM): Uh huh.
quixtarblog (10:33:09 PM): so would you recommend Quixtar Multi-Level Marketing?
SecretSparkle (10:33:10 PM): Possibly... I'm not quite sure.
quixtarblog (10:33:37 PM): well, what about the tools business?
SecretSparkle (10:33:38 PM): I don't know.
quixtarblog (10:34:00 PM): ok.any opinions on the arbitration ruling?
SecretSparkle (10:34:00 PM): It's tough to say.
quixtarblog (10:34:05 PM): how tough?
SecretSparkle (10:34:05 PM): How tough? What's how tough?
quixtarblog (10:34:09 PM): to say
SecretSparkle (10:34:09 PM): Hmm... I don't know. Saying is how tough? Hmm... whatever, Quixtarblog.
quixtarblog (10:34:15 PM): whatever
SecretSparkle (10:34:15 PM): Yes, whatever.
quixtarblog (10:34:17 PM): yes
SecretSparkle (10:34:18 PM): I see. What else is happening?
quixtarblog (10:34:37 PM): uh, I saw the new episode of Lost
SecretSparkle (10:34:37 PM): Oh yes?
quixtarblog (10:34:39 PM): yeah
SecretSparkle (10:34:39 PM): Huh.
quixtarblog (10:34:45 PM): it was great
SecretSparkle (10:34:45 PM): It was great? So?
quixtarblog (10:34:51 PM): ok, I gtg
SecretSparkle (10:34:51 PM): Goodbye, Quixtarblog.
quixtarblog (10:34:55 PM): l8r
SecretSparkle (10:34:55 PM): Later, Quixtarblog.
September 3, 2005
Twinkie Sushi Rolls
Posted by QBlog
I made Twinkie Sushi Rolls with the kids tonight though ours didn't turn out quite as elegant as the ones that inspired our culinary adventure.Here's how to make them, illustrated in photographic detail, if you're interested. The only Fruit Roll-Ups we could find were the Tongue Tattoo variety but we made them work nevertheless.
August 26, 2005
KFH
Posted by QBlog
Don't panic! Snakes like music. If I whistle, they won't bite. :o)
July 31, 2005
This Site Needs...
Posted by QBlog
More Cowbell.
July 11, 2005
Failure With Cruise
Posted by QBlog
I'm back from the Tom Cruise intervention and I'm sad to report that we (his friends) were unsuccessful. It appears that Tom is certifiably nuts and needs more help than we can provide. He refused psychiatric therapy claiming that something called Scientology would heal what ails him. Too bad.
However, there was a bit of good news that resulted from our efforts. Tom gave us all free tickets to War of the Worlds.
Anyway, it's good to be back.
July 8, 2005
Saving Maverick
Posted by QBlog
I will be away from the blog this weekend attending an ad hoc intervention for my good friend Tom Cruise. I'm one of several friends who are concerned for Tom's mental state and we feel that swift action is required before he goes totally insane.
While I'm away, feel free to discuss your opinions about America's favorite "little person," Tom Cruise.
I'll be back with a full report on Monday.
July 2, 2005
QBlog Toons - Before And After
Posted by QBlog
June 25, 2005
QBlog Toons - Amoeba
Posted by QBlog
June 11, 2005
QBlog Toons - Retired
Posted by QBlog
June 4, 2005
QBlog Toons - Super Kia
Posted by QBlog
May 28, 2005
QBlog Toons - Amalot
Posted by QBlog
May 21, 2005
QBlog Toons - Not Amway
Posted by QBlog
May 14, 2005
QBlog Toons - Business Opportunity
Posted by QBlog
April 30, 2005
QBlog Toons - New Boss
Posted by QBlog
April 23, 2005
The QBlog Saturday Comics
Posted by QBlog
I love developing regular features for this blog. Monday Reader Mail was developed as a way for me to share some of the comments that get sent to my inbox. QBlog Radio allowed me to play music to a small audience and then recently evolved into a Podcast. And who can forget the zany Farcical Help Desk or the helpful and occasionally insightful Blogging 101 series? Of course I should mention DeVos Speaks even though it has yet to find a regular publication schedule. Toss in a special project now and then (like March of Perceptions and Quixtar BackBone) and you're looking at a full-featured blog.
So what would possess me to add yet another regular feature? Demons!!! Lots and lots of demons! ;o)
Actually, I just enjoy the challenge of making this blog more interesting and appealing to an ever-growing audience. And this newest feature, called "QBlog Saturday Comics," is a way for me to tap into my tiny "creative reservoir" and publish something that's fun and a little silly.
I've constructed a little Q & A to introduce this new feature and answer questions you may (or may not) have about QBlog Saturday Comics.
Why Is The Artwork So Bad?
Great question. I'm an amateur cartoonist and have been drawing pretty regularly since childhood. However, my medium of choice is paper and pen, not PhotoShop and a mouse (or trackpad). The challenge for me was to devise a way to get some toons onto the blog as quickly and effortlessly as possible. I considered drawing and scanning, but that can take a lot of work and the scanned results usually need to be touched up in PhotoShop anyway. Of course I could use Illustrator and create some nice, scalable vector toons but again, that takes a lot of time. Yes, I know my way around Illustrator but I'm definitely not an expert.
What I settled on was a set of guidelines that enabled me to create the comics quickly and effectively but were restrictive enough to explain the crude drawings. And keep in mind, crude art doesn't necessarily indicate a lack of talent as Sam Brown expertly demonstrates with Exploding Dog.
Guidelines?
The guidelines I came up with are pretty simple:
- All Toons must be 300 pixels wide and no taller than 900 pixels and no shorter than 300 pixels.
- All Toons must be drawn totally in PhotoShop (or some comparable computer graphics tool)
- All drawing is done freehand with either the paint or pencil tool. The pen tool is not allowed.
- Color, pattern or gradient fills are prohibited.
- The only allowed graphics are word balloons, thought bubbles and narrator boxes. Everything else must be drawn entirely freehand.
- Text may be written in a font. Drawing text is not required.
- The drawings may be scaled as necessary
Didn't You Just Rip Off Exploding Dog?
No, not really. I'd say that Exploding Dog serves as inspiration and you'll definitely see similarities in style but each QBlog comic is an original.
But They're Not Funny
Yeah. I'm not Scott Adams or Gary Larson so don't expect your sides to split from laughing at these toons. I'm not sure any of the toons will be funny but if you have a winning idea you want me to draw, send it in and I'll see what I can do.
Scott McCloud Says...
Some of the QBlog comics will be single panel and I know that Scott McCloud (and others) would argue that technically, single panels aren't comics — they're cartoon drawings. Yes, I've read Understanding Comics and I don't disagree but for communication purposes I'm sticking with the term "comics" even if they are single panel.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, don't worry. It's not that important.
Can I Submit Comics?
If you'd like to submit your own comics to be published here just send a GIF image to comics@webraw.com. Be sure you follow the guidelines or the submission will be rejected.
That's about it. Hope you enjoy this new QBlog feature. I know I will.