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February 3, 2006
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 48
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: My friend invited me to a Diamond Rally tonight.
What is that exactly?
Answer: Well, the phrase has its origins in the Latin "Dia" which
means God and "Mound" which means large pile of dirt. The word "Rally"
literally means to "jump around like a complete fool."
Q: That doesn't really tell me much unless you're saying
that it's a thing where God jumps around like a fool on a mound of dirt.
A: Precisely! That's what it is.
Q: Are you sure about that?
A: Some etymologists believe the phrase comes from the Choctaw Indians who once
held events called "Deemond Rhellees" which were basically opportunities
for the tribe to consume lots of marijuana and peyote.
Q: Oh. So this is like a drug party or something?
A: Hell, I really don't know either. Ask Ty
Tribble, he seems to know all about Diamond Rallies.
Q: There seems to be a problem. Quixtar has violated
my rights by using my name and I need to contact a lawyer to file a lawsuit.
A: Ok. What's your name?
Q: Quixtar.
A: Really? That's your given name?
Q: Yeah. The name my mother gave me nearly four decades
ago.
A: That's wild. So you want to sue Quixtar? On what grounds?
Q: They stole my name and now wherever I go people laugh
at me or glare at me and generally treat me badly.
A: Everywhere? I'd have thought that at least around Western Michigan
you'd be welcomed with a name like Quixtar. Don't the IBOs like you?
Q: No. Nobody likes me.
A: Strange. That's really too bad. I'll see what I can do. Let me get
your full name.
Q: Quixtar B. Amway II.
A: Ah, now I see the problem.
Q: Hey, I thought the Help Desk™ was going
to EDC.
A: Yeah. They are... I mean we are.
Q: Are you really with the Help Desk™?
A: Of course I am.
Q: Prove it.
A: Ok. Ask me a question.
Q: What is the secret ingredient put in every can of
XS?
A: Retsin!
Q: Nope. It's soylent green.
A: Ewwwww. Soylent
Green is made from people.
Q: So, really. Who are you?
A: I'm Jody Victor. Couldn't make it to EDC this year so I decided to help out at the Help Desk™.
Comments
Oh yes... I put up the Extreme Team Linking icon.. do I get on the "Wall of Fame" like you said? :)
Ahhhh another loyal Rally listening downline. Welcome Ryan.
I liked this, it was really funny.
Ryan, I hope you get your money back. Please, keep us posted!
Hey.. I have read thru your site for a while now, I love it. I started being sucked into the Quixtar mess... I thought it was so perfect. Ya right. Anyway... I was under the impression that there is a money back guarantee if this is not for you, and.. well... it isn't for me. So I am trying to see if I can get my $124 back.
I will keep you posted on what happens, might give you something to write about...
Keep up the awesome work!
Posted by: Ryan Guhr | February 4, 2006 6:04 AM