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January 13, 2006
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 46
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: I got what looks like a pair of women's underwear
in my box of Incredible Edibles. Are they edible?
Answer: Hold up. You found underwear in with your XS
Energy drinks and Nutrilite?
Q: XS? Nutrilite? No, this is a box full of edible items
like a tiny log cabin, a necklace, some sort of hat and what appears to be women's
underwear.
A: Oh. I don't think that's Quixtar's new "Incredible Edibles." Does
the box have any writing on the side?
Q: Yeah, but it's all in Korean and has a picture of
a rabbit riding on a donkey.
A: Yeah. That's definitely not Quixtar. If the picture had been a monkey riding
a goat, well that would be something to consider but Quixtar definitely does
not use rabbits and donkeys as logos. What color are those underpants anyway?
Q: Mfffmph... Buh whuh wed.
A: Huh? Can't understand... hey! You're not eating them are you?
Q: Yeb.
A: Ewwwww.
Q: Looks like Jody Victor's really going
after Scott Larsen huh?
A: They be a-feudin'.
Q: This is a strange new tactic don't you think?
A: There's a method to the madness. Victor is going after Larsen on things like
his pin level and whether or not some picture got PhotoShopped. That's merely
a diversion. Victor doesn't want anyone to know that he's really a Super-Robot
who can fly, move at super-sonic speeds and emit an electo-magnetic pulse from
his fingertips.
Q: Whoa! I had no idea. That's wicked awesome! How can
he keep his super-secret from IBOs?
A: Well, he's a very advanced model. A prototype actually. Amway developed
a robotics program back in the '60s to produce a "Home Helper Bot"
that would do housecleaning. The technology from that program was enhanced and,
after many revisions, produced the Victor-Bot. If you watch
his eyes, you'll notice that he never blinks. That's because of Robot-Vision.
Q: Are you sure he's a robot? I mean that's cool but
it sounds sort of far-fetched. Just hard to believe.
A: Well, I can't prove it but I can say that the newest member of the
Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce
Go is named Jody V. Isn't that enough proof?
Q: I love that show! I'll love it even more with Jody
V.
A: You betcha!
Q: Was Jim Payne on
the Today Show a couple of weeks ago?
A: He certainly was. He was there for less than a minute promoting the generous
$2.2 million toy donation Quixtar made to the Toy Drive.
Q: Wow. That's awesome. Wish I'd seen it. You think
it's available on iTunes?
A: Probably not.
Q: Wonder how many iPods I could buy with $2.2 million.
A: A bunch I'm sure.
Q: What else has Jim Payne been up to?
A: He's often spotted at the Starbuck's at what used to be Woody's Market
on Ada Drive. It's now called something else but I forget what. The little secret
is that he always puts BIG tips in the tip jar. Drops twenties like they were
quarters.
Q: What a generous man!
A: True dat.
Moneky riding goats, ain't that the truth :D
Posted by: Imran | January 14, 2006 12:22 AM