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September 30, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 36
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: I heard that Quixtar is just an Order
Consolidation Site, is that true?
Answer: That's right.
Q: So what's Quixtar's specific role as an OCS?
A: Well, Quixtar consolidates orders for the IBO.
Q: Yeah, what does that mean exactly?
A: As an OCS Quixtar
can sign agreements with Merchant Partners and offer Exclusive Brands. The OCS
also offers outstanding technology to IBOs and administers the compensation
plan.
Q: So Quixtar is sort of like a vendor, supplying products
and services to IBOs for a fee?
A: Pretty much, yeah.
Q: So it's not like a franchise then?
A: No. I mean yes. I mean, well this is confusing. Think of it like a franchise
vending machine. You put your quarters in the slot and Quixtar drops the
bag of chips into that hole.
Q: That doesn't make any sense. How does that "vending
machine" consolidate orders?
A: Well, if lots of people come to the vending machine, then that vending machine
can save money by consolidating those bags of chips.
Q: Ok, but most vending machines don't require me to
contractually abide by 95
pages of rules before I get a bag of chips.
A: They're really good chips man.
Q: You really don't have any idea what you're talking
about do you?
A: *Sigh* I'm sorry. You're right. I just get paid to answer the phones and
say what's written on these index cards. I usually get bored and draw pictures
of fuzzy animals on them.
Q: I was drinking water yesterday...
A: Me too! I love water. So refreshing.
Q: Yes it is. Anyway, I was sipping my water and thought that it would be great if it were magnetized. Do you think Quixtar could make magnetized water?
A: Well, I'm no physicist but I'd say probably not.
Q: But don't you think it would be awesome if Quixtar figured out a way to put the power of Magna
Bloc into some bottled spring water? I'd buy that!
A: No, I don't. Why would I want to put magnetized water into my body?
Q: To heal it. To cure what ails ya. For the health benefits.
A: What health benefits?
Q: You know. All the great stuff that magnets do for our bodies. I mean, it's magnets. MAGNETS!
A: Bye.
Q: I'm a Quixtar critic and I'm tired of criticizing
Quixtar. Any suggestions for something else I could critize?
A: Have you tried politics?
Q: Been done to death. And politics bore me anyway.
A: How about sports?
Q: Again, everyone's doing that. I want something unique
and original to criticize.
A: What about Mothers Against Drunk Driving?
Q: Wow. That's genius. An organization that's so respected
and beloved that it's almost heresy to even think of criticizing. I love
it!
A: Yeah. Or, the Humane Society. Or Doctors
Without Borders.
Q: Excellent! Or... wait. I just got a great idea.
How about if I criticize infants!!! Nobody's doing that. I'd OWN infant criticism
man.
A: Dude, you're good. That's brilliant. And what's with those damn
babies anyway? Always demanding stuff with their crying. Give me a break!
Q: Oh yeah. I can totally see this. I Hate Infants.com
A: And the diaper changing. Yuck. Change your own damn poop-filled
diapers you selfish jerks!
Q: And feed yourself for once. Geez. Why do I always
have to feed your fat face?
A: So when can you start this?
Q: I'm launching it next weekend. Thanks for your help.
A: No, no. Thank YOU. You've inspired me.
Comments
LOL, driving a little close to home :)
Somebody already beat you to the anti-infant demographic
http://www.nokidding.net/
You know, if someone wants to stop criticizing Quixtar, all he has to do is sign up for it. I hear they teach people how to stop criticizing the business very well.
PW
Ooh those infants... I used to be one of those, but I quit after I realized it wasn't going to deliver on its promises. Now we can have a site where we can vent our bitterness about infancy! If you're thinking of becoming an infant, do the research before you sign up. If you're already an infant, just grow up, man!
Posted by: Bystander | September 30, 2005 6:43 PM