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September 2, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 33
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: I use SA8 With Bioquest for my laundry but
I'm wondering if it's a good value. Is it?
Answer: Absolutely. SA8 With Bioquest is a magnificent value. Consider yourself
lucky to even be allowed to use it.
Q: Ok, well good. And I do consider myself lucky. By
the way, what is Bioquest?
A: Ah, excellent question. Bioquest is the secret ingredient that makes SA8
so magnificent. It's a complicated chemical compound that closely resembles
chalk powder.
Q: So it looks like chalk powder... but precisely what
is it?
A: Ah, you misunderstood. By "closely resembles" I meant that it is chalk powder. Ultra-hydrogenated chalk powder.
Q: I didn't realize chalk powder had any cleaning properties.
A: Well, most chalk powder doesn't but Quixtar mines this chalk powder from
the deep, dark chalk mines of South Africa. And then Quixtar's scientists add
extra hydrogen atoms to the chalk powder to enhance its natural cleaning properties.
Q: Interesting.
A: And of course each batch of Bioquest is blessed by a non-denominational priest.
Q: Well that's good to know. I was wondering why my
clothes seemed so Holy.
A: Did I mention that its also makes a tasty desert topping?
Q: Now you're just being silly.
A: Oh, right. I guess I am. Silly. That's right. Just being silly.
Q: I'm an IBO and I want to have Extreme
Freedom but it's really, really hard. Can you help?
A: Well of course it's hard. This is a business! How many hours a day are you
sleeping?
Q: Ummm... Five or Six. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
A: Well, first off you're sleeping way too much. You want Extreme Freedom so
you need to be extreme. You should be sleeping no more than two hours
a day. You can sleep when you're
Diamond. How many plans are you showing each week?
Q: Usually three or four. On the weekends I usually
spend time with my family.
A: Three or four!!! In a week!?!? You need to quadruple that to 16
plans per week. Two per weekday and six each weekend. You can spend
time with your family
when you're Diamond.
Q: Well, that's discouraging. I'm not afraid of hard
work but this is a lot to do and I don't know that I can survive on two hours
sleep. I work 50 hours a week already.
A: You work for THE MAN at your J-O-B. Cut those hours down. Take longer
lunches to show the plan then. Think outside the box. When you're tired,
drink XS Energy Drinks! Take Double X! Get rid of that stinking thinking. How
many CDs you listen to each week?
Q: About five. Should I listen to more?
A: Only five!?! Increase that to 20 during weekdays and 15 on the weekends.
Q: Goodness. That's 35 CDs each week. I'm not sure
that's possible.
A: Of course it is. How do you think Larry Winters, Orrin Woodward
and Tim Foley got where they are today?
Q: Ummm. By listening to 35 tapes a week, showing two
plans every day and never sleeping?
A: That's right and look at them now! Now they sleep. Now they spend
time with their family. Now they're enjoying that residual income. Now they only
do what they want, when they want to do it. Now they are experiencing Extreme
Freedom!
Q: So Kia is
Robin Luymes, Manager of Public Relations for Quixtar?
A: Yep. Looks like it.
Q: Hmmmm. That's pretty sad. I mean, his blog freakin'
sucks and he's like running Quixtar's public relations? Did he get
his PR accreditation from a box of Cracker Jacks?
A: Easy now. He's really a good guy once you get to know him. And besides,
he's not totally responsible for the disastrous "Real Quixtar Blog." You
know he does report
to Beth Dornan, Director of Communications.
Q: Oh yeah? Wouldn't that be a hoot if she also ran
a blog?
A: She does.
Comments
"You work for THE MAN at your J-O-B. Cut those hours down. Take longer lunches to show the plan then. Think outside the box. When you're tired, drink XS Energy Drinks! Take Double X! Get rid of that stinking thinking. How many CDs you listen to each week?"
Great article today, Qblog. It's scary, though. The quote I listed above is almost verbatim what my upline told us to do, if we didn't have time because of our JOBs. Argh! Flashback!
Yeah, as crazy as it sounds, I actually remember hearing some of those things when I was in the biz. We didn't have XS drinks but I recall that the big thing at the time was ginko biloba. Upline said we could sacrifice some sleep if we took ginko. I guess the concepts don't change, just some of the people and products.
Is that chalk processed the same was H3O is?
PW
Best FHD Ever!
I'm in habbit of saying that now :D Seriously, it totally sounds uplinely. "Product worship" and "work habbit" part.
Beth Dornan and the Quixtgar Sock Monkeys.
http://www.amquix.info/humor/sockmonkey_goodbye/sockmoneky_files/kenrandybeth_sm.jpg
Beth Dornan.....Quixtar Success Blog??? or Quixtar IT blog?
:D
http://www.motherjones.com/commentary/letters/1998/11/111798.html
I remember years back a tape from a Crown, Coleman Orr. He said in the early days, people would ask what SA8 meant. He didn't know for sure but responded, "Our soap agitates 8 ways. Other brands agitate only four. So ours is twice as good!"
Your first section (SA8) reminds me of an IBO that hounded me to add recipes with LOC to the Queen Cookware cookbook.
No kidding. He put LOC into things he ate, and thought it was a good idea to share this with the world.
Seespray are you serious?
People eating SA-8?
That is really, really interesting.
Maybe a diamond's poop doesn't stink :0)
ya pidoras, pizu chujie doors, zaabuzte moi url - http://greatpharmacies.com/ a suda pishite pisma i spamte - admass@pisem.net
I'm wondering where the covalent bonds of the hydrogen atom bind to the CaCO3....that's pretty ionic!
LOL,
Good post Qblog
Posted by: xanadustc | September 2, 2005 7:17 PM