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August 26, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 32
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: Where have you been? I've been trying to get
through to the Help Desk™ for weeks!
Answer: The Help Desk™ staff has been helping Quixtar develop the This
Biz Now website.
Q: Oh yeah, I heard of that. Cool site. So you're back
now right?
A: No, this is actually a recording that just happens to provide surprisingly
natural responses to your specific questions.
Q: And now you're mocking me. Very professional of you.
A: Yes, I'm mocking you. Sorry. Now what seems to be the trouble?
Q: Well, I heard a rumor that Quixtar is going to start
selling some sort of Jewish
energy drink. Is this true?
A: You should consult your upline and ask them for guidance.
Q: You can't just tell me if it's true or not?
A: Quixtar is very clear about rules compliance.
Q: Are you listening to me? Kabballah Energy Drink —
is it for real?
A: Thank you for calling, please call back any time.
Q: Wait, this really is a recording isn't it?
A: You'll never know. Good-bye. *click*
Q: My teenage daughter wants to buy some stuff at Blu
Sphere. Is it safe?
A: Is it
safe? Ha! Does a monkey have a tail? Of course it's safe. It's Blu Sphere. A
Quixtar partner store. Owned and developed by the good folks at Alticor.
Q: Oh good. That's a relief. So many creepy sites on
the Internet, I just get worried.
A: Understandable. But don't you worry ma'am. Blu Sphere has been certified
100% creep-free. And did you know that Quixtar is also developing a Rhed Sphere
and Yello Sphere?
Q: No, I didn't. What do they do?
A: Well, Rhed Sphere is targeted to couples who want a little spice
in their relationships. It will sell adult toys, lotions, videos and related
paraphernalia within a discreet and tasteful website.
Q: Yikes. That sounds creepy. I don't want my daughter
around that.
A: Oh, don't worry. Your daughter won't be allowed access to the site
and besides, it's been certified 100% creep-free too. But, if Rhed Sphere's
not for you then you might like Yello Sphere.
Q: What's Yello Sphere?
A: It's a site that only sells Precious
Moments figurines.
Q: Oh My Gosh. I LOVE Precious Moments! I have a curio
full of them!
A: I thought so. I have a large collection too. Anyway, that's some
of the things to look forward to from Quixtar. But Blu Sphere is absolutely
safe.
Q: Thanks and I can't wait to use Yello Sphere!
A: We'll let you know when it launches.
Q: Yo, Help Desk!
A: You forgot the ™.
Q: Sorry dude. Yo, Help Desk™!
A: How can we help you?
Q: Who the hell is writing the drivel at the Real
Quixtar Blog? Is that crap for real? It's awful! Like it's written by some
navel-gazing retard. Is it written by a trained monkey?
A: Honestly, the Help Desk™ is not at liberty to discuss who
is writing the RQB but we can say it is definitely NOT written by a monkey.
Q: Hmmm. So is it really written by someone at Quixtar
or a paid stooge living in Bangladesh?
A: It really is written by someone at Quixtar. That may be hard to believe
but it's true.
Q: Can I guess who it is?
A: Go for it.
Q: It's Randy Bancino. Am I warm?
A: That was a good guess but no. You're cold as ice.
Q: Well, I give up. I just really want to know who it
is. Why doesn't Quixtar just tell us?
A: Because it's a proven fact that IBOs put most of their trust in anonymous
people on the Internet.
Comments
It makes me so sad! You can read this stuff and think it is like fiction, or that it is something that happens to someone else. A couple weeks ago, I got an email from someone with a 'business opportunity' -- he didn't say Amway, he didn't say 'Quixtar' he DEFINATELY didn't say M-L-M.
Had I been 'initiated,' I would have RECOGNIZED him for what he is, a Quixtar IBO. We met on a Friday at the Doughnut shop across the street. After the meeting -- AFTER THE MEETING -- I read (he loaned me a folder full of stuff) the word 'quixtar' and then immediately knew: "Amway" and "MLM" and "SCAM" ... I am still peeved as hell.
I even wrote about it (extensively) on my OWN blog. Which I am ANYTHING BUT anonymous. ( stupit2 )
-r
PS:
Thank you, your site: It is wonderful. After I realized what he was, I started doing web searches, "skeptic quixtar" and "truth quixtar" and "quixtar cult" etc. Yours was the site that I've kept on my permanent list (starts with my browser) -- to be fair, I don't have to read the skeptic's dictionary Amway/Quixtar/TOD again once I've read it, but you get the idea: Yours is best.
Thanks again.
-=-
Precious Moments, eh? Hilarious and insightful, I must say. I've been making fun of these collectors for years.
ya pidoras, pizu chujie doors, zaabuzte moi url - http://greatpharmacies.com/ a suda pishite pisma i spamte - admass@pisem.net
I've read your blog for months now (mostly on those late nights I can't sleep because I'm worried about my brother and sister who've been in Quixtar land for a couple years now). Thank you so much for bringing a smile to my face so many times. I still have hope for them. Sometimes I think they see the truth, but they just keep running away from it. They work so hard at it, and they're so broke. I'll keep reading. Thank you so much.
Posted by: Big Sister | August 27, 2005 7:15 AM