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July 15, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 30
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: How can I get in touch with Randy Binnaca?
Answer: Randy who? I don't know a Randy Binnaca.
Q: Or maybe it's Randy Bandito? Bandana? Backgammon?
A: You're not talking about Randy
Bancino, VP of Quixtar Sales & Marketing are you?
Q: That might be him. Is he a shortish bald guy?
A: Yes. That's him. Why do you want to get in touch with him?
Q: Well, I went to grad school with him at WMU
and he sort of owes me money. See, there was this bitchin' keg party at Frank's
and...
A: And you loaned him money for the keg right?
Q: No, nothing like that. See, Randy had a lot of fun.
I mean a LOT of fun. I mean, well you get what I mean. It's still known as "The
Randy Party." It's legendary at WMU. So there's this one guy there who
brought a camera and he started taking a lot of pictures. Basically everything
Randy did was on film. But nobody really thought about it until a week later Randy got
this envelope in the mail.
A: Blackmail huh? And let me guess, he didn't have the money so you loaned him
the cash to pay off the photographer guy right?
Q: No way, but close. See Randy knew this enforcer guy
who worked for a loan shark and he asked him to "take care" of the
photographer. So of course he didn't have the cash so I chipped in and... uh...
let's just say there are no pictures now.
A: Wait, wait, wait. You're telling me Randy Bancino borrowed money from you
to pay a thug to get rid of some incriminating photos? Bull. You're making this
up aren't you? You don't even know Randy do you?
Q: What? No. Why would you say that? Of course I know
Randy. We go way back.
A: What is the shape of the birthmark on the back of his neck?
Q: Looks like the island of Madagascar.
A: Wrong you liar. It looks like Scotland! Admit it. You're a phony and you
just made up that bogus story to get on the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™
didn't you?
Q: Ok, I admit it. I lied. I don't know Randy and have
never been to WMU. But I do have this great story about Ken McDonald.
A: Good-bye loser.
Q: Did you hear that Quixtar reformulated Nutrilite?
It now contains retsin.
A: Really? I think I heard something about that. What exactly is retsin?
Q: It's a special ingredient they put in the reformulated
Nutrilite.
A: Right. But what does it do? I mean is it a vegetable, animal or mineral?
Q: It's not any of those things. It's a special ingredient.
A: It has to be at least one of those things. It is comprised of something.
Q: Yeah, of course it's comprised of something.
A: Right... So, what is that something?
Q: What something?
A: The something that retsin is made from.
Q: Oh, that something. Well, it makes your
breath long-lasting fresh.
A: Ok, great. So what is it?
Q: Did I mention that Double X delivers more phytonutrients?
A: Good-bye.
Q: I'm looking for the Quixtar podcast.
A: What Quixtar podcast? You mean QBlog
Radio?
Q: No, that podcast is lame. I mean the official Quixtar
podcast from like the Quixtar business opportunity.
A: Yeah, well it doesn't exist.
Q: Doesn't exist? Why not? Podcasting is so cool and
it would be a great way for me to listen to all the greatest Diamond motivational
speakers on my iPod.
A: Right. Well, first you need to understand how Quixtar operates. After
a new technology has been introduced Quixtar will wait until that technology
has been used by pretty much everyone on the planet and virtually every other
business has been learning how to make money at it and only then does it decide
to embrace that technology. And by embrace I mean the type of embrace you give
your aunt Edna, you know the fat one who smells like stale cigarettes and you
sort of give that side-hug thing to.
Q: I see. No podcast now huh? So when can I expect one?
A: I'd look for one around 2009 and you can learn more about it by going
to Countdown9109.com.
Q: Talk about cutting edge.
A: I feel your pain.
Comments
And it comes with a hint of minty freshness that lasts all day.
:-D
PW
Shag, hang around. This is a great blog ;)
Indeed it is =P
Wait didn't Certs have a special ingredient called Retsyn??
Maybe it's a brain control additive?
Nah, couldn't be...............
That's already what is in XS.
Clifford
Funny about "retsyn"... if memory serves me, those guys got in trouble with uncle (FDA or FTC or some such) because "retsyn" was... NOTHING. Apparently you can't go around advertising ingredients that don't actually exist, or something.
So, to get legitimate, they actually picked out two or three of the ingredients that already were in certs and just called the combination of those "retsyn". "Yeah, it's, uh... this stuff! And some of this! Yeah, that's the ticket! Now they really DO have retsyn in them!" I guess it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's something.
If you really want to blackmail Randy Bancino, get the pictures of him with his secretary Shelley...there is NO WAY the wife doesn't know about it, EVERYONE at Q* does.
man, talk about the "bathroom walls" of America - this site is so legit - does anyone have some stock tips for me?? :P
Yes Tony:
Unroll the sock
Put one on each foot.
Then put on your pants THEN your shoes.
I can see why you would mix that up.
Lay off the XS
rocket, you're not even worth responding to.
Hey everyone rocket has some "sock" tips for you - go out and buy 100 shares of CRTBT - but sell it within 3 months cause it'll start off on fire, but then will fizzle and quit on you.
oh but then he suggests investing another 50 years - I mean "shares" in : JOBB
but hold onto this one for as long as they let you, because it'll take your whole life to see the returns, if at all.
Don't care if you with or against quixtar
This is funny has hell, Good job!
*thumbs up*
Posted by: Shag | July 16, 2005 6:47 AM