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May 27, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 24
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: I want to be one of them Internet Quixtar
critics. How can I get started?
Answer: Well, do you have a website?
Q: Website... right... ok, what next?
A: So, you don't have one I take it. How about your IQ level? Are you a Jeopardy
guy or more of a Fear Factor guy?
Q: I'm more of a Cops kinda guy.
A: Perfect. Ok, have you ever succeeded in any business at all? Ever?
Q: I one time started to do one of them envelope stuffing
businesses but I got tired of licking all them envelopes so I quit that. You
mean that kinda thing?
A: Absolutely. So far you're a prime candidate. Another thing you need is the
ability to quote everything out of context, can you do that?
Q: Michael Moore was my drinking buddy in high school!
Of course I can do that.
A: Awesome. I guess the last thing is time. Do you have the time to spend hours
and hours a day writing negative crap about a company you know virtually nothing
about?
Q: I already do that, I work for the government.
A: Sweet, I think you're ready to start your anti-Quixtar website. Good luck!
Q:
It came! It finally came! My "Girls of AmQuix" pinup calendar finally
came in the mail today! I'm so freakin' excited man.
A: I heard about that thing. How you like it?
Q: Oh dude, it is awesome. It's the collectible "Ex-Wives
Diamond Edition" and Ms. January is just gorgeous.
A: Wow. I've only seen the "Faces of Birdie"
collection and that was, uh, different.
Q: Just wait till the guys at the garage see my calendar.
Boy will they be jealous. I'm going down there right now to show them.
A: Alright kiddo. Later.
Q: I got my Quixtar bonus check today and it's not quite
what I was expecting. Can you help?
A: Well, how much was it for and how much did you expect it to be?
Q: That's the thing, it wasn't for an amount. In fact,
it wasn't really even a check, not a proper check anyway. It was more of a fish-type
thing. Actually it was a fish.
A: A fish? Your bonus check is a fish?
Q: A rather large bass from the looks of it. Six pounds,
maybe seven.
A: Well, I assure you, that is not from Quixtar. You're obviously confused.
Q: It said it was my Quixtar bonus check. Why would
a bass lie to me?
A: Oh, it's a talking bass? Well, why didn't you say that to begin with?
Is it offering you three wishes?
Q: You know, that's the first thing I asked it but apparently
the wish thing is being rationed out by the "Aquatic Creatures Guild"
and this particular fella didn't get his allotment of wishes. But he says if
I toss him in the lake, I'll get another Quixtar bonus check.
A: Nope. You'll get that regardless. He's trying to trick you to keep
you from eating him.
Q: Is that a fact? Well, I don't like being lied to.
A: Nor do I. So you want this bass recipe or not?
Q: Hook me up.
A: Ok, first you need a pound of butter...
Comments
ya pidoras, pizu chujie doors, zaabuzte moi url - http://greatpharmacies.com/ a suda pishite pisma i spamte - admass@pisem.net
That fish wouldn't have been named Walter, would it?
{Sorry, Deb. :-)
PW
Posted by: PW | May 28, 2005 4:47 AM