« Define Prosumer | Main | - He tried to sell me his Quixtar thing »
May 20, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 23
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: I just don't know about this Quixtar? What
can it do for me?
Answer: What can't it do for you? Do you have dreams?
Q: Of course. I had this one dream about an octopus
with asparagus tentacles and its head looked a lot like George McGovern and
he was chasing me...
A: Not that kind of dream. A dream about what you'd like to be doing one day
in the future or a vacation you'd like to go on or your dream house or something.
Q: Well, I have always dreamed of going to Sea World.
Seems like a pretty cool place with lots of marine life.
A: Sea World eh? That's it? That's your dream? Pretty lame dream don't you think?
Q: No, I think it's a great dream. It's my dream. Going
to Sea World. You going to make fun of my dream now?
A: No, no. Just seems like... well. Maybe you don't need Quixtar to achieve
your dreams after all. I mean if all you want to do is go to Sea World, that's
not so hard to achieve. Hey, maybe you could dream about owning Sea
World, right? That's a dream Quixtar could help you with.
Q: Nah. I don't want to deal with the hassle of owning
a marine park. I think I'd just like to visit.
A: Well, then Quixtar's probably a waste of your time then. Maybe look into
temp work or something.
Q: Yeah, ok. Thanks.
A: Don't mention it.
Q: I run a blog and I need some help. I usually post
crap about school and my boyfriend and Coldplay but last week I made a few comments
about Quixtar and... OMG, you just won't believe what happened!
A: Uh, were those comments in any way critical of Quixtar?
Q: I guess so, I mean my friend Mary is totally into
this cult thing and all she talks about it Quixtar and she keeps trying to get
me to join it and I'm just sick of finding ways to tell her I don't want to
be in her stupid business. So, yeah. I made a few comments about how Quixtar
has made Mary crazy and all her Quixtar friends are just really weird.
A: I see, and now you're being lambasted by Quixtar-lovers who keep trying to
convince you that Quixtar really is the most awesome business by saying clever
things like "you're a looser" and "don't be a dream-stealer."
Q: Yeah, exactly. And I mean the comments these people
leave, they just go on FOREVER! Write a freakin book why don't ya?!? Maybe they're
so repressed that they just jump at any chance to go on and on about their Quixtar?
I don't know.
A: Actually, we found that it's impotency. No kidding. Scientific studies
have revealed startling high rates of male impotency in IBOs who ramble on and
on about their glorious business opportunity. Quixtar is currently trying to
get Pfizer to sign on as a partner store.
Q: Too much information. Look, can you help me or not?
A: The best way to get them to leave your blog alone is to do a post where you
laud some Quixtar product or service. You don't even need to know what laud
means, just say you laud it.
Q: Laud huh? Why laud? Do people still use that word?
A: People in Quixtar use lots of words. Their vocabulary is nearing 50 words
last I heard. They just added "prosumer" a couple of years ago and
that's been a real crowd pleaser.
Q: I see.
A: Ok, gotta go. Bye.
Q: What does "prosumer" mean and where did
the word come from?
A: Great questions. Prosumer comes from the root word "pro" which
is short for "prostitute." And "Sumer" is the home of the
Sumerians, which are credited with inventing the cuneiform system of writing.
Sumer is now part of Southern Iraq. So, Prosumer means "Sumerian Prostitute."
Q: That makes absolutely no sense.
A: That's exactly what Ken McDonald said to me the day he left Quixtar.
Comments
Ha! I love the male impotency joke. Rambling for 2 pages with nothing new but tapespeak. (With the exception of few of course. Non-system ones usually. )
I dunno, some bloggers even say that just by mentioning the word Quixtar, their traffic increases. So if you own a blog and want more traffic, write on Quixtar :D Ppl all over the world are looking for info about it.
My dream is:
To have a job in my field
Relaxed and fun working environment
a couple of sports
TV
Some camping in summer
Witness IBOs dating goats
I'm living my dream :)
Quixtar has a product for the umm... male problem - Nutrilite Naturally Together - an herbal viagra-type product.
Nah, it'll never fly. They keep telling us that all the guys doing Quixtar are upstanding people. (Why do you think they're called "Big Pins?")
For those guys, it's not just the Dream that's big enough...
PW
ya pidoras, pizu chujie doors, zaabuzte moi url - http://greatpharmacies.com/ a suda pishite pisma i spamte - admass@pisem.net
Ha! "You're a looser". I love it, QBlog. You should have made it, "Your a looser" so that you could have a spelling mistake and a grammatical mistake in the same tired phrase. That would have simulated the pro-Quixtar rhetoric even more accurately.
Posted by: Waymee | May 20, 2005 3:28 PM