QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 22

By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk

Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!

Question: Hello?
Answer: Hi.

Q: Is this Yahoo? Because I need some help from Yahoo but it needs to be a secret.
A: Uh. Yeah. Sure, uh, this is Yahoo. What can we do ya for?

Q: I work for Quixtar and we've got a problem. Our workforce sort of rubs people the wrong way and irritates folks who then make posts on the Internet that criticize our business. And there's this one website that has somehow dominated the search results of your competitor, Google, and we would like very much if you could help us out because the owner of that site doesn't say stuff that we want him to say.
A: Interesting. So this website you speak of, what would you like Yahoo to do about it?

Q: Well, can you... you know? Sort of not list it in your search results?
A: Why would Yahoo do something like that?

Q: Because Quixtar has lots of money and the guy running that website doesn't.
A: Aha. Money. I think I understand what you're saying. But what happens when people find out that you're bullying people and abusing Yahoo's search engine to hide criticisms of your business? Won't that seem sort of... I dunno. Big Brother-ish?

Q: Yeah... and?
A: I see. Not one for thinking ahead are you? Ok, I'll see what we can do. By the way, what would prevent the owner of the website you hate from making a similar request about your websites?

Q: Oh. Yeah. Gee, hadn't thought of that. Hmmm. Well, maybe just ignore his requests then?
A: I thought that's what you'd say.

Q: I was standing there talking to my upline, waiting for Quixtar Spring Bonanza DreamZone Conference to start and I looked down and noticed a small hole in the concrete floor of the arena.
A: Shoddy work by the folks who built the arena sounds like. How big was the hole?

Q: That's the weird thing. It was about the size of a quarter but then I noticed it was growing. After about five minutes it grew to the size of a grapefruit and then a basketball. And a weird whirring sound came out of the hole.
A: Oh, now that sounds like a baby worm hole. What happened next. You didn't step into it did you?

Q: Of course not but as it grew in size, large objects were sucked into its vortex a cold light shot out of the center followed by a booming voice that said, "Give me your money."
A: Uh oh. That doesn't sound like an ordinary worm hole.

Q: It was anything but ordinary. It quickly sucked in the entire arena and everyone inside.
A: How did you escape?

Q: I was wearing my Quixtar Worm Hole Resistant Suit which cost over $5,000 but more than paid for itself after today's events.
A: And how. I thought Quixtar discontinued the Worm Hole Resistant Suit line of apparel.

Q: Nope, you're thinking of the Clone-Proof Jogging Suits with the patented Magna-Clock.
A: That's right. Yeah. Well glad to hear the suit worked out for you.

Q: Thanks.
A: Bye.

Q: I haven't joined Quixtar yet but I was wondering if becoming an IBO is a good way to meet women.
A: Absolutely. Many beautiful, single women are building a Quixtar business.

Q: How many and are they hot? No fat chics for me.
A: There are lots of hot women in Quixtar. In fact, the next edition of Achieve features a "Girls of Quixtar" pullout calendar.

Q: Heck yeah. I'm all over that.
A: And next month Quixtar launches it's new dating service called "PV and a Movie."

Q: Excellent. Are there any swinging Lines of Sponsorship?
A: Uh, no. Not if you mean what I think you mean. But I hear Dean Kosage's group is a lot of fun. He's like a rock star or something. And he was raised on a boat. And all new IBOs get a free beverage cozy and bag of peanuts.

Q: Ok, well sign me up.
A: We don't do sign ups, this is a help desk.

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