« My Stupid Quixtar Vision | Main | QBlog Sucks In Ada »
April 15, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - Income Tax Edition
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: Hello. I am wondering if you know why IBOs
can't spell.
Answer: Haven't we talked to you before?
Q: I don't think so. My name is doctor Otto Rotcod and
I work at the esteemed Palindrome Institute in Belgium. I'm the director of
a neurological team that studies brain patterns as they relate to spelling and
literacy.
A: Nice to meet you doc. Sounds really... *yawn* fascinating.
Q: Yes, well we've discovered the small part of the
human brain that controls functions such as spelling, reading comprehension
and to some extent, literacy. It's directly adjacent to the area of the brain
where dyslexia develops.
A: ...
Q: Hello?
A: Huh? Oh, hey. Nodded off there for a moment. No more poker night for me.
Anyway, so how can we help you?
Q: I'm trying to contact the appropriate authority at
Quixtar to warn them of the danger related to our startling discovery. Can you
direct me to the right person?
A: Startling discovery eh? What exactly did you discover?
Q: Well, after we identified that spelling sector of
the brain, we subsequently discovered that the area also enables humans to feel
strong feelings of love and adoration for a certain Multilevel Marketing company
and its related motivational businesses. As a person's love for Quixtar increases,
his ability to spell and his reading comprehension skills precipitously decline.
After years of such rapt adoration many become functionally illiterate.
A: What? That's crazy dude.
Q: Yes, I was dubious as well but we conducted a three
year double-blind scientific study of 150 IBOs and 150 former IBOs and the results
were shockingly conclusive. One cannot love Quixtar (and its motivational businesses)
and continue to spell.
A: Wow. That's really freaky. Quixtar would definitely want to know about this.
Call Robin Luymes at (616) 787-6338. He's the manager of public relations for
Quixtar and would definitely want to know about this. Thanks for all your work
doc, and good luck.
Q: I'm about to file my taxes and want to know what
I should deduct as business expenses.
A: Are you an IBO?
Q: Yes, and for the past six years I've deducted pretty
much everything. Lunches, trips, travel, phone calls, supplies, meeting fees,
subscriptions and you know, stuff like that. But this year my wife is concerned
that we'll get audited or something. She says we shouldn't keep making all those
deductions if our expenses are still outpacing our revenue.
A: Six years huh? Still no black, all red?
Q: Well, yeah but businesses take time to grow. We've
seen growth each year, it just takes time. And the red this year is much less
than the red in our first year. We almost broke even this year.
A: Well, I'm no accountant but I know the IRS doesn't smile on folks
who take deductions on businesses that lose money year after year after year.
You must show them that your business is to make money.
Q: It is to make money. A lot of money. Our upline is
so rich, I can't even believe it. He drives a Jag and only works when he wants
to. It's awesome.
A: Right. Well you should really consult a CPA and ask his advice. We don't
give tax advice.
Q: Hmmmm. Yeah. I figured I'd need to do that. You think
we can deduct the CPA expense?
A: Uh, no.
Q: I object to this Assistance Desk?
A: It's a Farcical Help Desk™ — not an Assistance Desk.
Q: What's the difference?
A: A Farcical Help Desk™ helps in funny ways. Ok, maybe helps
is a stretch. It mainly is just funny. An Assistance Desk only assists.
Q: Hmmm. But I need assistance, not help.
A: Well, you need a different desk. Call the operator, she can direct
you to the right folks.
Q: I called her but she connected me to the Support
Desk. I don't need support, I need assistance.
A: I think you may have mentioned that already. I don't know what to
tell you.
Q: Oh, hey. You know what? I got the number for the
Aid Desk right here. That's what I really need, Aid. Not assistance. Got confused.
A: My brother played in the Aid Desk band once. Called themselves the
Aid Band. Clever huh?
Q: I don't get it.
A: Nevermind.
Comments
"The Aid Band?" I think we should find something to cover that up.
PW
Hoo the heck due yu think yu r, seying that us IBOwes cant spel? Wy due yus alweys feel that yu haff to pik on us? Wee spel just az gould as any of yu loozers hoo dont haff eny branes to get intu this wunderfil quikstarr bizniss. Goodbuy loozers, injoi yur stinckin jobz.
Where did the comment go?
Posted by: Imran Aziz | April 15, 2005 5:01 PM