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March 11, 2005
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 16
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: Hey dude! Did you hear that crazy story about
that dog that bit that mailman?
Answer: Wha? No, I missed that one chucklehead. Breaking news huh?
Q: Yeah. It was ka-ray-zee man. This dog was like roaming
around this neighborhood and come up on this mailman and bit him. Ouch!
A: Right. Ok, bye.
Q: Wait! Wait! Wait! Don't hang up man. Just heard on
the news about the Pope, you know that Catholic dude...
A: What, did he die or something? I know he's been sick.
Q: Nah man. The Pope, he wears a pointy hat!
A: ...
Q: Yeah. Ain't that crazy?
A: That's the news? You're a freakin' moron. Get lost. What is this anyway,
some sort of phone prank?
Q: Ah man. Don't be like that. I'm just telling you
the news. Gettin' informed and all that.
A: I see. Who are you anyway? Do I know you? Something familiar in your voice?
Q: Yeah you know me. We met at that picnic last year.
I'm Harold VanderVander, news editor for the IBOAI.
A: Gotchya. That explains this,
this
and this.
Great work Harold. You've got a true nose for news.
Q: Hey, what I gotta do to start getting some of that
juicy tool money?
A: 'Scuse me?
Q: The money that you get for selling tapes and Internet
subscriptions and speaking and stuff. I want some of that.
A: I know what tool money is, it's just a strange request. To get tool money
you must build your Quixtar business to a certain level and then you start getting
the money.
Q: How long does that take?
A: As long as you want. Some people do it quickly, others it takes a
long time.
Q: So I'm guaranteed a percentage of the tool money
when I get to that level right?
A: Well, yeah.
Q: Can I see a copy of the contract?
A: What contract?
Q: The contract that gives me all that tool money!
A: There's no legally binding contract you silly person.
Q: What?!? You the silly person. No contract? Then how
do I get my money?
A: The Diamonds that own the tool business give you the money.
Q: But without a contract, they ain't nothing making
them give me a dime right?
A: Right. But they will. You can trust them to give you a cut of the money that
they receive and are not legally bound to distribute to you because they are
just great guys.
Q: Forget it. This tool money stuff sounds too weird
for me. I'm going to Vegas.
A: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Q: I am NOT satisfied with Great
Hot Buy. I want my money back.
A: Well of course we'd like to help but first we need some information. Where
did you purchase Great Hot Buy?
Q: I got Great Hot Buy from Augustus Letang, and shopping
at my fingertips was not comfortable at all.
A: I see. Well, we'll do what we can to make it right ok?
Q: Thank you.
A: You're quite welcome.
Comments
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Can I report 'im to Quixtar? Pleeeze? That would be fun. Big Time Fun!
I'd LOVE to see what happens to good ol' Augustus.
(I bet they'd love hearing from me, too. lol)
Maybe they'd wanna hear from a bunch of us...
:-)
PW
C'mon guys, dude's from West Virginia. Cut him some slack, I mean, after all, a doublewides' not THAT bad :-)
I found his prose compelling and his editing so far above the standard of the typical A/Qbot, that I thought to myself: "Keith, this must be a BIG pin." But I said it to myself, real quiet, and my lips barely moved. Didn't want to scare the little lady, know what I mean?
I suspect that the A/Q police will get him soon enough- after all, it's unfair competition. Hell, with so many cheap hosts out there, how else are you gonna keep 'em tied in upline?
Dave Severn cut my friend, a Diamond, right out of the tools money. Seems he didn't agree with his religion. I'm serious- his religion! Still has his Amway residual, though the battle with Amway took a while.
What a crock.
so, is that "great Hot Buy" website legit or not? I mean there is not "content approved" and they are openly selling Quixtar products (including the "hot new Artistry") without a password protection to qualify that they personally referred someone to the site?
Curious, that's all. Are they within the rules?
Roger
Posted by: Roger, Husband of a Team Brainwashee | March 11, 2005 1:54 PM