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December 17, 2004
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 6
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: So I ordered some LOC from Quixtar and it
was delivered by a penguin. Is that normal?
Answer: No. Unless by "penguin" you mean a guy from UPS or some other
delivery company.
Q: No, I mean a penguin. You know, the small flightless
bird that swims and eats herrings.
A: Yeah. I know about penguins but you should probably call Quixtar and complain.
Q: Complain? Why would I want to complain? He did a
splendid job and even swept my front porch on his way back to the truck.
A: He was driving a truck?
Q: Yeah. A big black and white one shaped like a penguin.
How else would he be able to make his deliveries? He sure couldn't swim, I live
in Arizona.
A: *Sigh*
Q: Hey. I got this really cool idea that I think Quixtar
would just love and it would really boost their business. It's XS SOAP! Not
only do you drink your energy but you get it while showering!
A: It's been done.
Q: Really? Bummer. And it was such a great idea. Well,
how bout LOC deodorant?
A: You might be on to something there. It removes stains while it fights body
odor. Interesting.
Q: Yeah, yeah. And how bout the Trim Advantage Fitness
Machine? Cool huh?
A: Hmmmmm. I think you may be one of those people who is just obsessed
with duel-use products. You don't happen to own an El Camino do you?
Q: How'd you know?
A: I'm psychic. *click*
Q: Is it ok to shoot Christmas carolers?
A: Of course not you Scrooge. Why so humbug?
Q: They've just been singing outside my house every
night for the past week and it's really annoying.
A: I understand but try to get in the Christmas spirit.
Q: Actually, they're not really carolers per se, more
like dogs howling.
A: Even if they sound like dogs howling, it's the spirit that matters,
not the tune.
Q: No. Now that I think of it they are actually dogs.
Real mangy mongrels howling and barking around my house.
A: Uh... sir. Put down the scotch and get to bed.
Q: And it looks like they're being brought here in a
black and white truck and herded around by...
A: Let me guess, a penguin?
Q: Yeah.
A: Well, I still think you're drunk but you might want to see if you
can get the penguin to sweep your front porch. I hear he does a great job.