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December 3, 2004
QBlog's Farcical Help Desk - 4
By QBlog in Farcical Help Desk
Every Friday, the QBlog Farcical Help Desk™ answers the Quixtar questions that nobody dared to ask. Additionally, each Help Desk answer is guaranteed to end with some form of punctuation or we'll refund your money. No fooling!
Question: I'm having problems logging into the Quixtar
Web site. Can you help?
Answer: Finally! A real, honest-to-God Help Desk™ question. Thank you,
thank you, thank you!
Q: So... can you help?
A: Well, no. Not really. You should probably call Quixtar or your upline or
something.
Q: Gee thanks. Lot of help you've been. I could have
figured that out on my own.
A: But you didn't, did you Einstein? Oh no. The second you see an error you
come running to the Help Desk™ like a little baby. Waaaah. Help me. I
need help.
Q: But this IS a help desk?
A: Oh, yeah. Good point. Nevermind.
Q: Oh my God. I just majorly screwed up. I was prospecting
this guy and he asked me what business I was in and I told him Quixtar instead
of Ned's Internet Retail Biz. What should I do?
A: Calm down Ned. That's a common beginner's mistake and not something you can't
recover from. I mean it's not like you told the prospect it was Amway or anything
right?
Q: Uh... well...
A: Oh crap, you told him this was Amway? What were you thinking Ned!
Q: I don't know, I don't know. I was just so confused.
I was in the mall and all those lights and the crowds and the noise. I just
lost it. And he kept saying, "this sounds like Amway, is this Amway?"
And I just froze.
A: It's ok Ned. The important thing is that you learn from this mistake.
Q: Right. You're right. Thanks. I feel better now.
A: Great. Now wipe your nose and get back out there. Just one word of advice,
skip the malls and try bookstores. A much more relaxed environment.
Q: I still can't log onto the Quixtar Web site.
A: You again? I told you I can't help you.
Q: See, every time I turn on the computer I keep getting
CNN.
A: Go away and bother your upli... CNN? Maybe you have some weird virus
or adware that forces your browser to the CNN site. What browser are you using?
Q: Browser? I don't know. I'm computer illiterate. Whatever
came with the computer.
A: Well, it's probably Internet Explorer and probably an older version
too. I suggest downloading Firefox and using that instead. Make sense?
Q: You lost me at Internet Explorer. What do I do?
A: *Sigh* Does your browser have a little blue "e" at the top right
and does it say Internet Explorer at the top?
Q: I don't think so. I don't see that anywhere. I just
see a red CNN at the bottom left. And Larry King is talking about some movie
or something.
A: Larry King? What is the URL in your address bar? Does it say CNN.com?
Q: No idea what you're saying... Hmmm... Wait. Now it's
on MSNBC.
A: Ok. So you're at MSNBC.com. Did you type this in your address bar
or click a link?
Q: I think I just hit a button on the remote.
A: The remote? Wait a second. You're watching TV you moron. You're not
even at the computer.
Q: Oh yeah. You know, you're right. No wonder I couldn't
log in. Boy, do I feel silly.
A: Why do I even bother?
Q: Thanks buddy. I gotta run. Big Emerald and Diamond
meeting tonight at the hotel. If I could just find my keys.
A: They're in your pocket. Now go.
Q: How did... how did you know that?
A: Just a hunch. Now leave and please, don't ever come back.