Talking With The Homeless Guy
- By Eric Janssen (March, 2003)
In January I traveled to Nashville to meet with Kevin Barbieux. He is author of "The Homeless Guy" Web site, a Weblog that has received international attention. His site details his years of being homeless and shares his struggles and successes. A few weeks prior to our meeting Kevin landed a steady job and a place to call home. As of this writing Kevin still has a home but as he will be quick to point out, "there is certainly more to a homeless person than being homeless."

--------------------------------------------

MEETING
I sat in the parking lot across from the downtown Nashville Public Library for a moment reviewing the supplies I would need for my interview with Kevin Barbieux. Camera. Tape recorder. Paper. Pen. Cell phone. List of questions. Everything was in order.

Kevin Barbieux blogs from the Nashville Public Library.

I took a deep breath, exited the car and began walking across the street to our rendezvous. However, the miserable gray clouds overhead reminded me that an umbrella might soon be necessary on that cold, January day so I trotted back to the car. As I retrieved the umbrella I glanced at my watch and noticed it was 12:10 p.m. Our meeting was at noon. I was late.

A brief moment of panic washed over me as I imagined that Kevin had decided I was a no-show and left the library for more punctual friends. I dashed across the street, into the marbled lobby of the library and was immediately relieved when I spotted Kevin and another man seated on a wooden bench next to the entrance wall.

"You must be webraw," Kevin said as we exchanged handshakes and names. The man with Kevin was local Associated Press photographer Mark Humprhey. He was a pleasant fellow and I soon learned that coincidentally he was scheduled to shoot Kevin for an AP story.

Kevin appeared exactly as his photograph in USA Today depicted him; balding, trim gray-white beard, slightly overweight and adorned with pair of stylish wire frame eye glasses. However, it was the orbs behind the glasses that really caught my attention. The first thing I noticed about Kevin was the way his eyes seemed to hint at stories his lips rarely (if ever) told. I instantly knew that I wanted to know some of those stories and that one day, some of those stories would be told.

My tardiness did not allow further, more detailed observations because we were all late for lunch at the Downtown Presbyterian Church. There was no time for pointless chatter and Kevin quickly ended our greetings by saying, "Let's go to lunch."

In his own words…

Webraw:
How has the fame or the notoriety affected you, that has come from your blog, how has that affected you personally and how has that affected your outlook.

Kevin Barbieux:
Well, it obviously has had an effect. I tell people about my social anxiety. Which I've even read that some of the Osmonds, who are on stage and screen and all that stuff, they have anxiety attacks all the time.

But I can now trace my anxiety attacks back to kindergarten, once I figured out what an anxiety was. And, because I've always had it I've kind of adopted my behavior to that, so it's like I've always known how to avoid the situations that would cause me anxiety attacks which pretty much made me a loner. I didn't have much contact with other people, I had acquaintances more than I had friendships, I just never got too close to people.

But having the blog and the notoriety and all these people coming to talk to me and take my picture and all this crazy stuff... (cell phone rings)... I don't know who that is... (hangs up cell phone)... but before I knew that I had anxiety, I kind of attributed my problem to a phobia. And the way you get over a phobia is taking very small, incremental steps, like the only way to get over the fear of flying is to fly.

I'm putting myself in social situations where I have to interact with people and just getting used to that. I was doing that prior to the blog, but with the blog it's just coming from all over the place. It's kind of hard to avoid it. I've been able to adapt and just get used to the fact that there are people that want to talk to me and communicate.

 

LUNCH

A bulletin board at "the mission" displays a clipping of the USA Today article about Kevin.

We walked the short distance down aptly named Church Street to the aging church, through a small iron gate and down a few steps to the side entrance of the church kitchen.

Kevin was warmly greeted by the staff and after introductions, he quickly joined the food servers to help with the final arrangements before the meal.

The doors soon opened and the needy filed in to receive their meal. It was one of the smoothest and most efficient operations I'd ever witnessed. The seasoned staff knew many of the faces and spoke to them as they served them lunch. There was a sense of genuine care and concern expressed for each individual that filed through the line. Kevin fit right in, serving, talking and helping with the meal. He seemed as comfortable in this role as the rest of the staff.

The cafeteria was clean, brightly lit and obviously well maintained. There were no visible signs of neglect and even the bathrooms showed the same attention to detail. It was a pleasant place that had a few high windows letting in some of the dim light from the dreary winter street. The smell of hot food filled the room.

Looking around the cafeteria was like viewing an actual slice of America. It was comprised of young and old, white and black, the well-dressed and the bedraggled. Some had the appearance of the homeless stereotype while others appeared to be business professionals, some in suits, some in casual dress and others in obvious work clothes. The only area where this group did not seem to reflect America is the noticeable absence of women. There were several, actually more than I'd imagined, but maybe no more than 10-15% of the group.

In his own words…

wb.rw:
Do you view homelessness as a condition or a state of mind or both?

KB:
Homelessness is a...well, just like any big machine, you're going to have some kind of residual, you're going to have some kind of residue, a kind of build up or junk or like the exhaust of a car engine -- there is going to be crap left over.

And in a capitalistic society like ours is, homelessness is going to be a natural reaction to that. There are going to be those people that cannot, for whatever reason, find a place within that machine. There is nowhere else for them to go. They end up on the streets.

Now, they are that way either because they have psychological problems like they are crazy or they are mentally ill or generally retarded.

Also, as far as the drug thing is concerned, you talk to psychologist and they'll tell you that drug use is a coping mechanism, it's to deal with other problems. Even if it builds itself up to a major addiction, there is still an aspect of life those people cannot deal with so they need those drugs. And mental illness too, usually comes on because life is so stressful. The thing about capitalism is that it's competition. Every single time you attempt something, you have to do it better than the guy that just came before you. You can only do that so much.

In the Olympics now, the winner could win by 100th of a second. That's all you have to do is beat them by 100th of a second. It's getting harder and harder to beat out the other guys, so it's becoming more and more stressful to stay and compete. And of course, that forces a lot of people to eventually look for other, less honest means of competition. So they start treating their neighbors with a little bit of disrespect. It forces people to treat each other with less dignity than your neighbor deserves.

You get treated like crap long enough, just like a little puppy, it could be a happy little puppy, you beat it down enough times it's going to turn into a mean old dog. It's really hard to take a mean old dog and turn it into a nice little puppy again. It's almost impossible. That's what homelessness is, that reaction to the people that for whatever reason cannot deal with the demands of living in this particular type of society.

I see myself as being one of those people, I can see how my condition of anxiety, which is probably both a chemical imbalance as well as being raised in kind of an abusive home life, that I don't have the skills necessary for finding a good place for myself within the mechanism, so there was nowhere for me to go.

JOB

One of the rooms in the loft above the church. Artists come here to work, practice, learn and share.

The meal was ending. Most of the hungry had been fed and had moved on to other places. Kevin waved at me from the kitchen and hurried over to my side to begin the tour of the church and show off his work space. The AP photographer wandered over and we began to walk and talk through the church.

The church itself was a grand, impressive structure and Kevin very excitedly described the history of the church, some of the architecture and few random facts. He described how the church doubled as a hospital during the Civil War and explained some of the trials it withstood over time to remain a true structural treasure in the heart of Nashville.

We then journeyed through the art gallery where some of Kevin·s work hangs among a wide variety of art created by different artists. Part of the mission of the church is to engage the homeless and get them involved artistically.

Kevin paused to describe a particular piece that he did, an egg sits on a canvas surrounded by a painted tire tread. However, the egg miraculously escaped certain doom and instead of being crushed remained whole and in tact. He mentioned that maybe it was a symbol of his life. Just maybe.

The loft itself was an artist's dream. High ceilings, scuffed wood floors, large lead glass windows overlooking the streets of downtown Nashville. The walls seemed to emanate a creative odor and one could imagine the aspiring artist being embraced and nurtured in such and environment. The place where Kevin worked was no less impressive. He reviews old 16 mm films and records their condition based on a set of predetermined criteria. He has experience with photography so this particular job is something he naturally enjoys. It didn't take long for Kevin and the photographer to begin discussing camera and film techniques, a subject which I know very little about.

The area where Kevin works to review16 mm films and log their quality and content.

The modern PowerBook and iMac sitting in the room contrasted with the stacks and stacks of old 16 mm reels piled to the ceiling on shelves and racks and tables. This is Kevin's office, this space is where he has worked to not only earn money but to slowly move towards rejoining society.

This job and some of the money he has received through his blog have helped to move him off the streets and into a place he can call home.

In his own words…

wb.rw:
What are your hopes and dreams?

KB:
My dreams are usually fairly unrealistic. I think the idea of writing a book is pretty unrealistic. If it does happen, well even for any writer, even a good writer, getting a book is like winning the lottery. So, the odds are against me in that respect.

But I have two kids that stay with mom. I haven't seen them in quite a while and that's because of her. And I think the only way that I'm going to be able to get regular visitation is to take her to court. And to do that I'm going to have to have a lot of money, I'm going to have to have a decent place where I'm staying and all my ducks in a row.

Seeing the kids is a primary motivation.

To fulfill that one thing requires that I have all this stuff, if I had an advance for a book that would be enough.

BLOGGING

AP photographer Mark Humphrey shoots photos of Kevin while he blogs at the library.

We moved back to the library where Kevin does his blog. The library has several areas with public computers where people can access the Internet. Many of these computers were occupied by people I recognized from the church lunch earlier that day. The place was packed. We finally found a spot to blog and the photographer began taking a lot of photographs of Kevin in action while I drifted off to a corner to observe.

After the photographer left we sat down and talked blog for a while. I tried to help him with some html code on his blog and realized that there was nothing in which to edit the code outside of the Blogger template page. The PC certainly didn't have any html editors but it also didn't have Notepad or some other text editor.

I realized then that Kevin had learned what he knew of html in that tiny window of the Blogger template. Every change he made to the blog had to be made live in order to see the results. He couldn't save it to hard drive and preview, he must make the changes live. I gained even greater respect for Kevin realizing that all his knowledge came within this restricted condition. This was no small accomplishment and spoke of his dedication and perseverance to maintain his online voice.

As we talked a man next to us asked me, “Have you ever seen a homeless person pull themselves up from the gutter and make something of themselves? It doesn't happen very often.”

No, I don't suppose it does.

In his own words…

wb.rw:
Your site had a space for public comments and for a while these comments tended to degrade into blatant attacks and rallying rebuttals. Yet, it seemed that the negative comments affected you so much that you removed that feature from your site. What impact did the negative comments have on your blog?

KB:
With the anonymity of being on the Net I actually have gotten a lot more hate comments through that than I have in general, even back during periods in my life when I actually looked homeless.

I never got the kind of reaction that I got from those comments.

I was raised in a very negative house. That's something I've always had to deal with and to fight against that negativity. I can be a very negative person. A lot of negativity just comes out of false information, false assumptions.

If you get the opportunity to discuss something with somebody in a calm and respectful manner they can at least see where you're coming from so that way they don't have this negative animosity towards you. And it's obvious that a person really doesn't want to ..... they're just there to slam. There is no way you can fight against that, you can't defend yourself against it.

It's kind of like, a weakness of my character. I don't stand up well to that kind of negative stuff. It's my achilles heel.

I could tell after a while the defenders were even tired. They've already had their good, positive comment and there is just so much more energy in being negative. Which I understand that these guys are dealing with issues completely unrelated to me, it's just that I happen to be the depository for it. It ruins any kind of communication that can go on discussion boards or whatever between myself and other people. There were people who were looking forward to reading more than one take, and I'd like that too.

Again, I've got a couple of kids and as much as I'm for free speech and everything I'm also for respect for other human beings and I think just like tv the Internet should be family-friendly. I mean there is a time and a place for "adult" type stuff, if being immature is considered adult.

It's funny, all these people scream that "I'm censoring them" but they really aren't saying anything.

COFFEE

Some of Kevin's art on display at the Downtown Presbyterian Church. The egg remains undamaged in the middle of a tire track.

The walk to the coffee shop was short and interesting. We traversed an alley-way and in the alley I noticed what I perceived to be a homeless man standing behind a dumpster. He seemed to be deep in thought and as we passed the true enormity of this condition struck me.

Here I was walking to drink coffee and do an interview with a man that society had written off as a loss. Yet, for a variety of reasons, Kevin had “pulled himself up from the gutter” and walked out from behind the metaphorical dumpster of life and began participating with this capitalistic society we call America.

The true accomplishment began to sink in and I began to finally glimpse what it meant to be homeless yet not in the way I had first imagined. I was understanding homelessness through the eyes of someone who had been there and was now leaving it all behind and yet choosing to return in a very different manner. As someone helping the homeless, while possessing a truly personal and unique perspective of the homeless condition.

As we talked and sipped out coffee a thought crept into the back of my journalist trained mind. “This story isn't finished. Whatever I write today will only be a page or a single passage of this grand and truly human story.”

This reminded me of an interaction I had earlier in the day. I explained to Kevin that during the lunch at the church I had to leave briefly to place a parking ticket on my car. While I briskly walked the half block to my parking spot I encountered a panhandler who pled his condition and asked for money. I uncharacteristically promised him a quarter when I returned and half expected him to be gone as I walked back. He was still there. I handed him a quarter and then walked across the street into the church. While in the mission I looked for his face, I wanted to see his face, but it wasn't there. He was not eating lunch. He knew where I was going and knew what was happening but he didn't participate. I wanted to tap into his unique perspective, so I asked Kevin…

In his own words…

wb.rw:
What is your position on panhandlers.

KB:
Panhandling is a con.

It preys upon people's ignorance of people's real needs.

You live out in suburbia. Everybody's got a house. Everybody's got a car. Everybody's got a good job. You don't really need anything from your neighbor. But, they watch tv and they hear things like "people are starving" and "people have no home" and they don't understand:

1.) How people have become that way

2.) Which of those needs are actually being met.

So they come to town and some guy approaches them and says, "I ran out of gas, I need to get to Memphis, blah blah" and they don't know how to respond to that, they have no way to tell if that's true or not so they are at a disadvantage.

Then they have this little bit of Christian upbringing, again it's a weak Christian upbringing, as far as "give to those who ask" kind of thing. And so it's easy pickings. And we're a college town as well so we get all these kids, their first time away from home or away from high school, they're on their own, they got daddy's credit card or whatever, so a lot of the panhandlers hang around the Vandy (Vanderbilt University) area and all that money goes - 99% of that money goes - for drugs. And if they actually use the money for something else it's so that they can save the rest of their money for drugs.

It's like people have said, "well I don't give them money, I give them food." Well if you weren't giving them food they'd have to take some of their money and go to Taco Bell and they don't even have to do that now, so you're still feeding these people's addictions.

We ended the day by exchanging farewells and I left with a better understanding of not just homelessness but of humanity. What it means to simply be human.

As I drove away in the midst of rush hour traffic on that dreary day I glanced around and saw the scowled faces and impatient expressions as drivers cut each other off, children screamed in swerving SUVs and horns honked in frustration. I sped along silently, thinking, observing. This is what Kevin was re-entering. This society of angry, impatient and hurried individuals rarely stopping to smile and ask "how are you doing" and really mean it.

This is what I love about the Web, about life on the Net. In that space we are all equals, we all have something to say and we all have at least the potential to be heard. You, me and anyone, even a homeless guy in Nashville.

I don't know how to solve the problem of homelessness. I don't know what the condition of the homeless in America is but I do know that when we begin to listen, begin to care, begin to try to understand, we no longer see a homeless man, instead we see a friend.

--------------------------------------------

EPILOGUE
wb.rw:
How do you keep the Web raw?

KB:
Raw defined: not cooked

2 a (1) : being in or nearly in the natural state : not processed or purified <raw fibers> <raw sewage> (2) : not diluted or blended <raw spirits> b : unprepared or imperfectly prepared for use c : not being in polished, finished, or processed form <raw data> <a raw draft of a thesis>

The only way I see to assure raw-ness of the web is to keep it law-less.

But raw-ness is not something that can be cateorized as either good or bad. Really, it's just a different state of being. Both states of being, raw-ed and law-ed, have both good and bad qualities. Like all things, balance is the key.

Digesting something in it's raw state could corrupt your interals. Some things lose their flavor when cooked. Many foods when processed are drained of natural vitamins and minerals

(Print Version of this article)

///